Ok...so recently I have been thinking A LOT about different opinions people in the church have on different topics. A lot of interesting points of view that don't make a lot of sense to me. My mother in law and I were talking about all of this late last night...
So i was sitting in Sunday school and the teacher was talking about how we need to instill qualities in our young men..that of finishing college and being a returned missionary. He talked about how his wife and him knew that if they tried to instill those qualities in their young boys then their young girls would find boys to marry who also had those qualities. So my immediate thought to this was: Why in the heck aren't these qualities being instilled in girls too? Now, I am one who did finish college and went on a mission....but seriously though why is it just the boys that these qualities are being so stressed upon. Finishing school and going on a mission can only better anyone. I understand that girls should not feel obligated to go, but i also think boys shouldn't feel this obligation to. From personal experience, if you aren't feeling the urge to go yourself, you will waste the Lord's time. It's a personal choice. But why aren't these qualities being instilled regarding both sex?
I have a very very hard time when in the church others look upon women as ok...stay at home and have kid after kid after kid...and if you need to work, fine. But you shouldn't be forced out into the work place. I DO NOT agree with that idea at all. I understand in the proclamation it reads....mothers are to nurture...So I got married at what....23 and felt like I was doing something wrong by not having had gotten married earlier and now...I feel married couples go through the stress of making sure they have babies right off the bat. For example my MIL, they were married for 3 years and she told me people constantly harassed them on "when are you going to have kids....?" And it's like goodness gracious! Just let us recently married people alone and leave it up to us!! So a lot of you reading this know I did have a honeymoon baby...wasn't exactly planned...but k so peyton is now 8 months old...and I ALREADY have this stress of "Well, brooke since you are staying at home right now...."you might as well start again...." YOU MIGHT AS WELL.....what the? I don't want to have more kids on the basis of "you might as well" I have a very hard time with these different stigmas so so many mormon parents have....on to the next one...
K. so my brother has a friend...who is a convert. Just got baptized a year ago. You know he lived the rough edge of life and he has been dating this girl rather seriously for awhile now and he proposed, she said yes. But her parents refuse to let her marry him. And why is the question? You guessed it...convert, has tattoos...and you guessed it! Not an RM. What the? Oh my goodness it just makes me want to kick box someone....you can not put that on the poor boy. He is a convert for crying out loud!!! I saw this time and time again on my mission where these young boys get baptized and fall away because there is so much pressure for them to go on a mission and they feel so badly if they can't go... For instance, this boy amazing amazing guy....is a convert, he couldn't go on a mission due to severe debt on his car...and he fell for this super cute lds girl and dun dun dun...parents would not allow her to date him because why? Convert and not an RM. All these issues just make me so so mad.
But overall, the moral of all of this is the people in the church are not perfect but the church is. And that everyone is titled to their own opinion and own way of life. I just feel that these stigmas are becoming a habit in more and more people. And it just really makes me sad:(
6 comments:
Its so true, the church is perfect, but the people are not, which is evident in the fact that we can be overly critical of everyone and be quick to judge. It is sad- don't let it upset you to much though- just keep being the great example you are. ( PS I totally agree with the baby-thing, I can't believe people are already asking you to have more??) At least you aren't in our shoes!
I don't know how I stumbled onto your blog, but here's my two cents.
Utah is probably the (sad) exception in this case, but everywhere I have lived in the past 4 years (Arizona, Missouri and California) the leaders of the Church have all stressed the importance of education for men AND women.
They preach that times are tough and will continue to get tougher, and it is critical for both parents to be able to contribute to the family in the case of financial difficulty like we've all seen recently.
Ideally as the Proc. to the Fam states, the father should be the bread-winner and the mother the nurturer, but what if the father loses his job and is out of work like 12% of people in California?
There are at least 6 families I can think of now in our ward here in SF that have multiple children and the mother's are MD's or PhD's. Most mothers seem to have at least a college education if not more. Did their families suffer as a result of their education? ALL of these families are among the most faithful in the ward (bishop, stake pres, etc).
Oh and FYI, we haven't been asked why we don't have kids since we left Utah. Just a sad stigma there...Any sorry about your bro's friend, I have several friends from grad school that aren't RM's because they went to the military and are still amazing guys, but get crapped on all the time.
Anyways, sorry to ramble.
-Jake
Oh Brookey, I miss you :) - I agree as well.. The Church is perfect, not the people.. President Monson and other general authorities have made it very clear that child bearing is between husband, wife and the Lord. :) - Ever since I can remember the leaders of the Church have emphasized education to both women and men, of all ages :). I think of the quote by Harold B. Lee, " The most important of the Lord's work you will ever do will be within the walls of your own home." I found this quote on page 3 of "Preach My Gospel." Mike and I talked about how interesting it was that it was in such a prominent spot in the book that missionaries use to preach the gospel. When you think about missionaries, you think about how amazing they are and how they are in the right spot at the right time doing the work that the Lord would have them do.. and even with that, the Lord told us, through his Prophet that, even then, the most important work is within the home. Sometimes women in the church feel they are over looked and can't do all of the things that "prove" themselves to the world. Being a stay at home mom is the most rewarding and special experience of my life, it is not drab or easy. It is hard and takes all of the emotion, strength and life I have. I am proud of my job and feel like, as much as I look forward to being able to finish my degree one day, I am doing one of the most noble things in our Father's eyes. I have never learned or grown so much in my life, not in China, not in college, not at Oakcrest.. not anywhere :) The Savior depends on women and mothers, I think, more then anyone. That is why I am here, to help him. To be His hands, and if the most important unit of the eternities is the family, then my heart swells at being a partner with my husband to head such a beautiful thing. :)
Of course there are people who are judgemental and seem to question and push people without knowing their background, or more importantly, have no idea what the Father has planned for them. It killed me when we got those types of baby remarks from people when there I was on clomid and brim with emotion ... I just had to let it go and know that everything was in the Lord's hands, and everyone and everything else didn't matter.
I'm sorry I kind of rambled on like that :) I guess... I don't know, being a stay at home mom is sacred to me, staying at home and bearing children is something that is so close to my heart and just had to share my "thoughts."
Brooke :) Hey! I'm sorry I didn't get to calling you back, I was on my way out for the night! :) - I hope I didn't come across angry in my post, it wasn't my intention at all :) I have been super emotional today and I hope you know that I love ya! - Reading through my comment again, I think I over looked what you were trying to say again, you were talking about the pressure and guilt that members place on other members, which is not only rude, but un christlike and not their place :) Sorry I kind of went off on a different tangent in my comment.. Like I said, it's been an emotional day .. for no particular reason, (and I'm not prego:)) - Just emotional :) I love ya!
Hey girl, sorry I didn't call you back, I've been very sick yesterday and today. I like this post and these topics are so controversial, in that both mean so much to everyone. I feel that an education is probably the second most important thing you will do in your life (besides having children & marriage... iguess that makes it 3). The reason why I feel that way is because it give you freedom and choices. It gives you confidence. It allows you to be prepared for many unknowns. It gives you the freedom to stay home, work part time, work full time if necessary, work for your own enjoyment, work to support your home. I kind of look at it like this. It is your responsibility as a mother to nuture "and provide" for you children. You can't place that entirely on your husband, because there might come a point in time where he cannot do it, or do it adequately. My dad has been out of work now for a year and my mom graduates as a nurse in May and my mom told me that my sister was having a hard time with this and all the unfortune, but my mom told me that her #1 priority has to be food on the table, clothes on her back and a roof over her head and it is my mom's responsibility just as much as it is my dad's. There are a lot of people my parents age who are going through things like this right now. I think that sometimes when we are young we thing that the world is just going to work out for us, because look at what we are doing and working so hard for, but then life gets to you and lets just say that I know my mom is doing what is right by getting her education, but what if she had done it sooner, how much easier this whole process could have been.
I also feel that you get what you are... meaning that if you are working hard in school, have the desire to serve the lord on a mission etc... then you will most likely meet someone just like you. I would never tell a girl to just hang back and wait for an amazing, responsible guy who will take care of her forever and work hard forever and be a worthy priesthood holder, IF SHE ISN'T any of those things.
I am not a mom yet, but I do know that education pushes you and streches you in ways you never imaginined. I think it is good fore everyone to always be working on some part of their education, because they will feel so good about themselves and their accomplishments. I have been hearing more and more every day from the church how important it is to get an education for EVERYONE, not just if you're single, no kids, with kids, financially stable. I read an ensign article a couple months ago that said if everyone were to follow this advice that has been given for many years now, where would we all be now. This can be said of so many church principles. Like Jake said we are never asked about children, and I know we live in the "world" compared to Utah for example, but the one thing that I like about the approach many people to take out here, is they really do respect your decisions and don't judge you. We all can learn to lay off a bit from others and let people decide and grow and learn and love what they do (i.e.motherhood). I would just say never make any decision based off of pressure from others. Make sure it is what you know what is best for you and your family and many people might not ever understand why you're doing what you're doing, but that really isn't important, because you know what Heavenly Father wants from you. The greatest thing about this gospel "I've heard it put this way" is that all put together, we make up a wonderful working body, but not everyone can be the head or the foot or the mouth. We all play a certain roll which in turn will build and enhance the kingdom of God in our pre-determined way, in the way we are meant to be. Sometimes people's paths are very similar (i.e. eyes, and eyelashes) but, sometimes peoples roles, talents and paths are very different (i.e. foot vs. shoulder).
TTYS, Kim
Who is this amazing, amazing guy you speak of? lol
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