Wednesday, August 15, 2018

friendships


Hi!

Long time!  I am honestly not even going to TRY to catch up!  Different city, moves, new babies, new everything!  Not even gonna try to catch up, but what I am going to do is talk about a certain topic that has been weighing heavily on mind.  I have zero intentions of anyone reading this.  I am writing this for myself only.  Get it all out there, so therapeutic.  And maybe, just maybe it can help any of you out there.  I've learned so many lessons from this experience too.  This is real and raw.

It's crazy to me how you think you can know someone so so well.  I had a best friend from high school, literally two peas in a pod.  As i finished highschool and looking back she honestly is in like 95 percent of my memories of highschool, like for real.  Looking back if someone were to ask you, who was your best friend, it would have been her.  Hands down.  After highschool, we each went our seperate ways, different colleges, but managed to stay so close.  Even hours away from one another.  We did so much together, I have countless memories.  I served a mission, we both got married, started having babies, went through all the moves and different transitions of life and STILL just as close as we could be.  In so many ways, like a sister, for real.  I wasn't very close to my sisters growing up, and my friends literally were my sisters.  What's been awesome over the years is bringing my highschool and college friends together and creating one big circle.

We managed to stay close for many many years until one day, her perspective of our friendship was so different than mine, and she shared those thoughts with me.  Over the course of 6-12 months, I had picked up on some distance, nothing to really chat about.  She only supported things and events that involved our other friends, but never about me.  I understand that friendships have their ways of coming in and out of different seasons of life.  That's just how life is, nothing to really have a talk about, but she felt like there needed to be one.  It was discussed with me that I expect too much in friendships and that she didn't want to be close but still wanted to be friends.  That's really ONLY what I got from the conversation.  The examples of how I expect too much in friendships was vague and confusing.  And that she was holding on to a lot of things that she needed to work out on herself. Which is so sad to me!  But, the friendship was becoming stressful to her.  And we all know stress isn't healthy, and we should distance ourselves from people and things that cause stress, for Sure.  But there are effective ways of doing so that doesn't cause hurt and confusion.

Pause

 Girls!  Easier said than done, but...please stop holding grudges!  Life is too short and too hard!  How would the world be if we could JUST give one another GRACE and forgive?  I totally get being frustrated with someone, you don't Have to be everyone's friend!  You don't!  You get to Choose who is in your circle but BE KIND!  Be kind to even those who you aren't friends with.  And communicate well.  Make sure that when you are speaking with someone that everything is so understood and so clear, and by all means Don't Text things out, you Guys!

Unpause

So we are having this discussion, all the while, I am expecting twins, something that is so relatable for her.  My bad that we got off the phone while i still had questions that were very unclear to me.  The problem was, is that- I didn't know exactly what she expected going forth.  If what I did was impose high expectations, it needed to be clear to me what she expected going forth.  She didn't want to be close friends, but still friends.  Problem:  I am close with every friend that I have.  haha!  I literally find it so hard to just have a friend.  Coming from someone who is close to SO many people.  I don't know really how to swtich from we're friends.  Just friends.  Enter in: the walking on eggshells sydrome that so many of us go through!  It sucks being involved in a relationship with someone where you watch every action and word you do!  Where you feel there are a set of rules of Do's and Don'ts.  I know we have all been there?  Why are we giving these people that power?

So going forward, the inevitable happened.  I didn't follow the rules, the boundaries, that she set in motion and it made her upset.  But she never communicated that to me.  Just everyone else. I didn't quite know how to back off and give a friend space without making them feel like I just didn't care at all.  Especially hard to do with someone you've been close to before. Enter in:  the thought that we were still friends To you're my enemy, and I wish you would disappear.  I don't think she ever intentionally tried to make me feel this way- but what other vibe would you get if your best friend from the past couldn't even muster up the word "congratulations" over the birth of your TWINS??? When STRANGERS can congratulate one another.  I reached out several times after the birth of my twins and there was only silence.  A few times I was actually shocked there wasn't a response.  One of which, she had joined an MLM, and my mom needed to place an order that was going to be well over a $200 sale.  Nothing.  Coincidentally enough, I later joined that MLM and following me joining it, she left it.  I have been told mixed comments that it was because I was a part of it, and also that it was her own issues she was going through that caused her to stop.  My husband ended up running into her family at a hospital where her father was undergoing a medical procedure, and my husband had reached out to her during that time, nothing.  All the while the stress of 5 kids, husband losing his job, leaving our dream home, living in a town where I hardly know anyone- Grace, perhaps?  No.  Since we share the same best friends, it was becoming clear to others what was going on and everyone who had spoken to me had all agreed, she was taking it way too far.  The actions were that of, I had actually "done" something.  But no one knew what?  The best guess from others was severe jealousy.  She felt like she was giving me "Clear" signs that she didn't want to be close, but all the while she was giving me clear signs that she didn't want me alive.  Period. Unfortunately during this time, it has put her in a bad light.  Enough people are aware of the situation, and the way it has all been handled is so sad!  Interestingly enough, friends have stepped back in their relationships with her, and I feel this all had an effect on that.

Pause
Girls!  Don't do this to someone, being on this end of the situation, don't do this to someone.  How valuable communication is.  How valuable it is to love everyone and to give them the grace they deserve.  And by all means, don't ignore someone.  Do you know how hurtful that is?  To just ignore someone?  Intentionally? YOU are better than that!  Do we want our daughters following that example?  It kind of in fact reminds me of the show "Mean Girls"- just don't do it.  Easier said than done, I know...but be honest with yourself, get your point across, effectively communicate, but don't every make someone feel like they are your enemy.  Especially when you SHARE all the same best friends.  Ive recently finished a book, "Girl Wash Your Face"  - and its so important to empower women, to be strong women, and there is a right and a wrong way in handling relationships, give everyone the kindness they deserve.

Unpause
After a year, I was so tired of things being "Not Ok"- that following the advice of our marriage therapist, wanted to reach out and see if we could just be Ok.  Sharing the same friends, brings about a layer of complexity- and it was just so dumb to me why things couldn't be okay.  We don't have to be friends, in fact, being friends from her is not a desire of mine at all.  Not ever.  But just to be Ok.  Wouldn't it be easier to have that type of relationship given the fact we've been close before??   Having that peace and assurance if we were to be in the same room, the same group text- whatever- that it would be OK.  We all have people we follow on social media and aren't necessairly friends with.  And I did reach out, a text followed by a phone call- and surprisingly she did respond, but with the most defensive spirit.  We both tried communicating to one another and Neither of us were being heard. I wanted to make sure things were Okay and that we could go forward in that frame of mind, and I wasn't recieving that things were Okay at all.  In fact, very much so the opposite.  And it ended very awkwardly.  Followed by her blocking me on social media.  Does that sound like things are OKAY?  Doesn't it take more work to avoid someone and to muster and harbor ill feelings towards someone?  Is it really THAT worth it?  Isn't it exhausting?  How is that healthy?  I don't feel like I can live day to day feeling so resentful and negative towards someone or something?  It's not healthy. So CHOOSE to not live this way.  Drama. I ask myself- WHY does it have to be like this? I have exhausted all efforts and am just TIRED.  And it IS so sad because this was a dear friend of mine, loved by so many!  Think one of the hardest parts is how she can be so kind and supportive to everyone around me, BUT me. How am I to look at pictures or think of memories with fondness?  As her husband said it, I was "just a highschool friend she used to have." Wow.  That times another 14 years on top of highschool.  Poor choice of words.  Men.

So girls, please do yourself a favor and stop planting flowers in other's yards where they will not be watered.  Find your tribe and love them hard.  Realize that people go through some hard things with themselves- and it may not even have anything to do with You!  Above all, Be Kind and communicate well.  So well, that there isn't room of being misunderstood.  And if you have a problem with someone, be honest with yourself and don't let them think everything is Okay.  Communicate well.  Don't let someone feel things are alright, but that they Clearly are not.  Be honest.   Please.  Celebrate other's joyous times!  Don't be resentful of it.  That's how you will find your true friends- those who can be sincerely happy for you.  Who can find joy in your joys and sorrows in your sorrows.  A wise friend told me through all of this, when focusing on relationships with others- don't be so involved in the doors that are shutting that we forget to look around at all the door opening wider or doors that were once closed before, opening up, new opportunities, new friendships!!

Life is too hard and too short to put each other through these things!  I am in my 30's and don't have an interest in pushing people away who I've known forever.  Choose to find common ground. Ive also been so grateful for the friends that I have had that has lead me through this time, who have been there to talk to.
Now that I am older, I look for different things now- Integrity. Honesty. Loyalty

Friday, August 12, 2016

Bradyn is FIVE!

Our sweetheart is 5! I can't believe it! 
Stats 
weight 41 pounds 53 percent 
Height 44.5 inches 81 percent 
BMI 14.5 20 percent 

For his birthday, we went to the Zoo and then the Cheesecake Factory. Afterwards the Arthur's came over for cake and ice cream :) 
We love our Bradyn. 

He is going to 3 days/week preschool from 8:30-11:30 at Summit Academy this year. 


Saturday, June 25, 2016

Dream Home 2016



Well.... We did it!!!! We closed on June 2, 2016 and moved in June 6, 2016. I can't even believe that it's actually here. We were with my parents for a full year. We achieved a lot financially.. And it was so worth living with them for that time. We are all unpacked and settling in. :) we were the 3rd family to move into The Ridge, and more families have moved in since then. We've been meeting a few of them. :) We are hosting a little meet and greet in a few weeks at our place. 
When we closed we had a list of some items that still needed to be fixed, and just after two weeks- everything is done except for the garage door Windows. We are so happy to be laying down roots. Our ward seems to be great. They have split 3 times in 6 months! With the church being built behind our house, I'm sure it'll split again. We love it! I love having a house to hang an American flag. I also LOVE my front porch swing! 

It was made by Douglas, Steve's cousin. It's adorable!! We've made some adjustments hanging it and all seems to be going Ok. We love that new home smell!! I've loved being able to fill the spaces in the home. I love thinking of telling a story in each space I decorate. Our home is a very light, airy, coastal- southern charm :) I love the pops of color throughout the house. 
Steves dad and himself did some projects for a few days in the house- shiplap above the fireplace, and kitchen island & bathroom, painted a bathroom, kitchen and bathroom knobs, painted the boys room, hung a ceiling fan, did a floating shelf and set up the beds! I'm so thankful for them!! 
We still have a couple more projects of installing a garbage can kit inside a kitchen cabinet and some wainscoating on one of Jordynn's walls. 
I have a list of some more items I would like to buy in the upcoming months- but with Georgia coming up, and wanting to achieve some goals with our savings.. Some items will have to wait longer than I anticipated. 

Home sweetest home. ❤️

Happy 3rd Birthday, Jordynn!

Happy Birthday to my angel girl. She's just a light in every way. Since it was the weekend we moved into our new home, I didn't get done everything I wanted to for her party.. But it was still fun :)
We had a Little Mermaid party. We played.. Pass the mermaid to music, mermaid bingo, we had Paula there to do face painting- she was AMAZING! We decorated dinglehoppers, had cake, and played bubbles. Her girl cousins were there as well as Jolee, Taelie and Elsie. It was lots of fun! 
We also went and got a mommy daughter pedicure and went to dinner at Goodwood BBQ as a family. 






Stats:
Weight 30 lbs 48 percent 
Height 37 inches 50 percent 
BMI 15.62 46 percent 

I did her 3 year questionnaire with her, and it seems like we need to work with cutting with scissors and saying her last name. 
We love you Jordynn! 


Jordynn's 3rd year pictures

Jordynn and I had an over nighter in Logan for Quinn's Birthday Party. Quinn is my friend, Savannah's little girl. Jordynn and Quinn are 2 weeks apart. Savannah was kind enough to take some shots of her in a field in Smithfield. The photo session was impromptu.. I would have had her hair done differently haha.. I love them though! She's an angel! 










Peyton is 7!

Happy Birthday, Peyton!
I can't believe that in just 1 year, he will be Baptized! 
Although we couldn't quite out do Disneyland, we did have a blast :)
We had an Angry Birds Birthday cake. And had a bounce house birthday party. It worked out so well. We had a great turnout. 
Peyton is a happy, energetic guy. His kindergarten year was a bit of a stress, so we are happy that is over and that we are going into 1st grade, fresh start and new school. He will be attending Summit   Academy. It's a walk from our new home. I look forward to walking with him everyday :) 
Peyton has been diagnosed for ADD. We are going to start him on a mild stimulant the beginning of August and hopefully find the right kind so when school starts, it'll make make a difference. I hope this upcoming year he will be focused and attentive. 
He LOOOVED Bingham Baseball! It was an amazing time! They made it to the tournament and placed 3rd overall in the league. It was so much fun. My phone is literally overflowing with SO many videos of him playing! 
Peyton has been loving our new home and stretching out and exploring all areas of the house. 
He's a great guy! 

STATS:
Weight 48 pounds 32 percent 
Height 49 inches 68 percent 
BMI 13.99 9 percent 



Saturday, April 23, 2016

Baseball! ⚾️

Peyton is doing Bingham Baseball's competitive league! He tried out in the auditorium at BHS's gym. We love his Coach, Cody Larson. It has been so much fun so far. His first game scores have been 3-14, 10-11, 8-7. (2 losses) 
He has 2-3 games per week and 1 night of practice a week. Games are so much fun! I'm not even kidding, they are so intense and exciting. There's never a dull moment :) His last game in particular, was SO exciting. Peyton had two big outs, where he was running to the base and it was so close and the kid got out. He also had two big hits where the ball went out to the grass. I had tears I was so excited, I looked down the row at my dad and he had tears in his eyes too :) haha. 
I also happen to be Team Mom. Steve takes score, I apply black lines under the eyes of the kids, provide treats and drinks, got all their jerseys/hats embroidered. And will be organizing a season party in June. The kids see each other so often, they've become cute little buddies. :) btw, I love all the accessories that comes with baseball.. It's just so cute! Its been a Blast!